7MTJ - 7 Mindset Tips Journal

What does it mean to be strong-willed ? What are examples of situations where a strong will is “shown” ? When asking the latter question, the most frequent answer I get implies the sucess of unusual challenge (let’s say “Climbing the Mount Everest”, or “Feeding 10 kids while living in dire straits”), that is to say, opportunities that will almost never occur to the respondents. Then, the conversation often ends up with some distanciation with the topic “I’m not sure I could have such moral strength”.

An exceptional event or a daily mindset ?

I am not here to discuss how one should represent moral strength in mind, however, my humble opinion is that a situation-conditioned definition of moral strength has several disadvantages. First, basing moral strength measurement on the difficulty of the situation on an absolute scale prevents some context measurement: is it “stronger” to climb the Mount Everest when you had training or is it stronger to climb a 500m mountain when your mind has never been trained for that ? What requires more moral strength between facing a danger you know well and facing a “smaller” danger you do not know at all? Second, even when including more information about context (let’s say, the physical and mind training before “performing the deed”), if “all” agree on a relative-situation-based definition of moral strength, then Ego comes into play. In this case, people for which ego is strong enough to overcome necessary pain will be considered strong-willed, whereas they’re in fact just “strong-egoed”. I am not denying here how deserving such persons could be, but as some of them run for their own pride, a part of the compliment is taken away. Third, defining moral strength as necessarily requiring a “difficult” situation means requiring a “rare” situation (otherwise it would not seem that much difficult), therefore keeping moral strength away from “the average Joe” and leaving it to “heroes”.

For sure then, impression of exceptionality will definitely not inspire people into having moral strength. Defining it differently could be more useful for the society as a whole. Here are 7 examples of challenges you can perform daily to make moral strength a mindset, not a rare act.

1. Choose the painful solution when it’s right (“Eat the bad part of the meal”): In the famous end scene of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, the lovers are poisoning themselves when believing (or stating) their significant one is dead. I once had a girlfriend who told me that was the  most beautiful act in love: being able to give up your life for love. In my opinion: DEFINITELY not and Romeo was a jerk, as what they both valued the most was not life, but their eagerness to express love and comfortably live together. A true man would have told Juliet to leave long before she could suffer from parting, live happily while he keeps his life in pain of solitude (Yeah, that’s big!). Thinking “Juliet, I took a bullet for you” but fakely communicating “I hate you Juliet, do not look for me ever again, leave without guilt or regret, follow your path”. Take the pain to preserve others is one of the basics of building character. You do not need to be Bruce Willis in Armaggeddon scenario to achieve that: Have a meal with someone you love and eat the bad part of it, lose on purpose to build self-confidence for your trainees, offer to take the heavy load, play the fool to dispel the discomfort of other’s feeling ignorant (we all are)…and keep it secret when you do it, make it look natural, so much that they will never be able to feel guilty or embarassed about it. Then with habit building, even you will lose the ability to feel that you instinctively choosed the painful solution. Recommended movie: 2 jours à tuer (Love me no more in English).
2. Answer to hatred by compassion (“Become an emotion converter”): Some people cannot bear being hated, some people do not care, but I have never met people who are actively requesting hatred for itself (ie not for pride, pleasure or fighting energy). Assumption I am ready to make is: No one is attached to hatred you could feel (meaning from people who really count for you). From that point on, answering to hatred by compassion is not only a good way to benevolently convert hurtful into helpful, but also one of the daily challenges you might want to try to build yourself a strong character. Please note that you can replace hatred by “contempt, anger, animosity” to widen the opportunities to act.
3. Give anonymously (“Remove expectation of receiving back”): Give for giving, give for the moment, and forget the worries on the future, potential gratefulness, feeling of indebtment. Remember the questioning of the “willpower” definition up above ? This point is here to avoid as much as possible ego coming into play, at least public recognition based ego. Concretely, what you can do is postponing some of your gifts or donations, and anonymously have them sent to people, and never talk about it. For example, if you want to give food to beggars, wait for them to sleep at night, and deposit your food next to them. Focus on the moment, you are anyway far to know what the future is made of.
4. Find and Face your childhood/deep rooted fears (“Pick up challenges from your past”) :  This point is to insist on the relativity of moral strength and the unability to measure it on an absolute scale of situations (meaning without taking into accound one’s full past). This point is much more an exercise for character than directly for “moral strength”, but it indirectly helps the latter with the former. A good illustration of the relativity of moral challenges is this video, where a tough guy is probably more afraid of holding a puppy than fighting thugs in the Bronx. In his scale, the fear of dogs is incredibly higher and what he does is definitely a strong moral move. Instead of looking for Mount Everest, you may have deep rooted fears that are practically more accessible, but not least challenging for your mind: It might be time to face them as a training exercise.
5. Expose your circumstancial weaknesses to force yourself out of the comfort zone: (“Use your enemy to become stronger”)  Have you ever felt weak on some points ? Have you been out of the comfort zone without choosing to ? What if you choose to, and how to get out of it ? Comfort zone is a resting zone, not proper for training grounds. If you want to force your comfort zone to enlarge, you must strike before your fear does. For example, you can ask a motivated accomplice to pull you out of it. Who’s the most motivated person in taking you out of your comfort zone ? Your enemy. Concretely, this point is suggesting a risky move: telling an opponent where your weaknesses are so that he/she strikes into it until you learn to make it a strength. (PS: it could be better to tell a “friendly opponent” than a hateful one for beginning)
6. Forget your past good deeds and successes, and retry:  (“Rely on present spirit, not on the past”) Achievements and past good deeds can make you feel strong, so much that you forget how to make yourself stronger. Sometimes you might need to start over, get back in the beginner’s mindset, try a skillset you have never experienced. Do it not for the sake of the skillset, or its utility, but for the difficulty it takes your mind into. Take challenges you are almost sure to fail, but do not rush into defeat. Ultimately, empty yourself from the past good deeds you performed, however high they may have been, take it as actions as usual as waking up or going to the toilets. The willpower is in the present, not on an achievement table.
7. The “incurable disease scenario” exercise (“Temporarily leave the burden of future to train your present”): Every morning, on my walk, I play the mind exercise of the “incurable disease scenario”. What if you woke and realize you were injected an incurable disease during the night, that would kill you at next dawn, unless you feel good about the idea of dying ? For sure, with the last condition, you would not fall into “opportunistim death rush” (spending all your money, going on killing spree, etc.) . Neither would you be anything else than yourself, thank and love people who count for you because you would not want to bring secrets in your grave. Also, you would not let any event or person ruin your very last day, voluntarily or involuntarily.

Practice it everyday, whether on the flow of your day or by blocking 7 minutes for these tricks to unfold in your mind.

I hope that reading these thoughts will both help you build character and understand how strongwilled people around you can be, and be thankful to life for their invisible untold inspiration. As for myself, I would like to say thank you to the many people I crossed paths with, who did these numerous little or big deeds for me, and who keep inspire people everyday. To those who recognize themselves in the last sentence, sincerely thank you.

Bonus tip to build your character: have a smiling day !